


Wait For It

by jesileigh



Series: Inspired By Hamilton [3]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Cupcakes, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Hamilton - Freeform, Inspired by Music, mopey face
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 05:47:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8044705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesileigh/pseuds/jesileigh
Summary: On an otherwise pleasant day in May, Oliver escapes to the cemetery to reflect and think. Inspired by the song "Wait For It" from the musical Hamilton.Death doesn't discriminateBetween the sinners and the saints,it takes and it takes and it takesand we keep living anyway.We rise and we falland we breakand we make our mistakes.And if there's a reason I'm still alivewhen everyone who loves me has diedI'm willing to wait for it.I'm willing to wait for it.





	Wait For It

 

 _Death doesn't discriminate_  
_Between the sinners and the saints,_  
_it takes and it takes and it takes_  
_and we keep living anyway._  
_We rise and we fall_  
_and we break_  
_and we make our mistakes._  
_And if there's a reason I'm still alive_  
_when everyone who loves me has died_  
_I'm willing to wait for it._  
_I'm willing to wait for it._

 

The brightness of the sun and the happy blue hue of the sky felt like it was mocking him on an otherwise pleasant spring afternoon. The birds sang merry tunes and across the street in a park, a mother and her two small  
children were chasing each other through the swings and up and down the play structure. The squeals of the children rang out, mingling with the sounds of the city bustling around them. People living their lives without a care in the world,  
oblivious to the fact that their mayor was trapped in his own head today and desperate to clear it.

He disappeared over the hill separating the road from his destination, the sounds a bit muffled by the natural buffer it created. Here it was peaceful. Here it was quiet. Here, he could be alone for just one moment to think. He shrugged off his navy blue suit jacket and draped it over a low-hanging branch of the tree that shaded this part of the cemetery, before sinking to the ground and sitting with his legs folded. His heart felt like a lead weight in his stomach.  
  
God, he hated May.  
  
He didn't get many opportunities to just sit and think anymore. Being mayor meant endless phone calls, meetings, ceremonies, galas, and fundraisers. He did everything that was expected of him, and did it with a smile. How  
could he be bitter about all of the progress they'd made? The city was thriving, in huge parts thanks to him. But he was never alone.  
  
Even the Arrow Cave (as he'd reluctantly and inadvertently picked up the habit of calling it) was never empty anymore. Not since Digg and Thea had returned to their night work, joining the three newest members of the team.  
Felicity had recruited them in the wake of Damian Darhk's attack when it became blatantly obvious that he and Felicity alone could not manage. This ever-expanding team meant someone was always training, researching, or even just hanging out in the makeshift living area Felicity had constructed during their summer of reconstruction. It wasn't that Oliver didn't like the sense of community they'd created amongst all of them. It almost felt like a family--even if the new recruits would never know the half of Oliver's history the way Felicity, Thea, and Digg did. But the youth and vibrancy brought a new energy to the team, and he was thankful for it.

The problem was that he could hardly find a moment to breathe anymore.

Which is why he had penciled in a "private meeting" on his calendar and slipped away after lunch, coming to the one place he knew he could find solitude,  
surrounded by his mother, Laurel, and Tommy.

  
He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. In, 2, 3, 4...Out, 2, 3, 4.

Felicity had taught him this method once, in their first few months together, when the nightmares were still a disturbingly common occurrence. He'd practiced it with her on several occasions as well when she woke up sobbing and drenched in sweat, reliving the night she'd been shot or, in more recent history, reliving the decision she had to make about Havenrock.  
  
It devastated him to see her so broken. So lost. She held it together so well during the day, but when her guard was down she would often slip. Even she couldn't be strong all the time. Even after their break up, he was the only one she would allow herself to be vulnerable around. While he was so thankful that she still trusted him enough to let her guard down with him, he'd underestimated how heartbreaking it would be to see her that way.

More than once he'd found himself wishing he had never stumbled into her life. All he'd brought to her was death and destruction and misery. He'd pulled her into his orbit and doused the light inside of her with his darkness, selfishly taking all she could give him, with no regard to preserving that light.

He opened his eyes and looked over the three headstones in front of him.

Why?  
Why was he still here when so many others had died?

For him. Because of him.

It was maddeningly unfair.

His chest tightened, the grief radiating through him in wave after agonizing wave. His eyes fluttered closed again and he dug the heels of his hands into them, fighting back the tears that wanted so badly to fall. Threatening to make him fall apart. Every gut-wrenching insecurity bubbling to the top and overflowing in a riptide of guilt and anger and overwhelming grief for all he had lost.

For all his decision had cost others.  
  
There was suddenly a hand on his shoulder and he hastily rubbed his face, trying to compose himself. The hand on his shoulder squeezed in comfort, then migrated to his back, rubbing small circles there.

"You've got mopey face," Felicity said softly, bending down and kissing his head before seating herself next to him, close enough that their knees touched.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, his voice thick with emotion

"Just fine. I just thought I'd come visit too."

"How'd you know--"

"That I'd find you here?" Felicity supplied. "It's your usual go to alone time spot this time of year," she picked up a pink box from next to her and set it precariously on her knees. "I brought treats," she offered, opening the box and handing it to him. Seven beautifully decorated cupcakes were inside.

"What's all this for?" he asked. Felicity shook her head in amusement at him.

"Oliver, it's your birthday," she reminded him. "Did you forget?"

He shook his head and stared at the ground. "You know I've never been a fan of my birthday. This month always just...sucks. I'm not really in a celebrating kind of mood."

"I know," Felicity assured him. "But I also know you love the cupcakes from that bakery on 9th and Hamilton. So here I am."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Felicity, there's seven cupcakes in here. I mean, I know you have a sweet tooth, but this is a lot of cake for just the two of us."

Felicity rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Don't be silly, they're not all for us," she said, waving a hand at him. She stood and reached for one of the cakes, a chocolate one with a dainty, sugared raspberry on top. "I happen to know  
from experience that Laurel adored anything with chocolate and raspberry," she said, setting it atop Laurel's headstone.

She returned to the box to retrieve two more cakes.  
  
"You told me once that Tommy was a fan of baked goods with booze in them, so a Guinness chocolate cake with Irish cream frosting for him." She made her way to Tommy's plot and set his cake down on the stone.  
  
"And to be honest, I have no idea what flavor your mother would have liked, but this one looked very regal and sophisticated, so I picked it out for her." She reverently placed Moira's cupcake next to the roses Oliver had set there for  
Mother's Day the week before, then settled back in next to Oliver, who was staring at her in stunned silence like he couldn't believe she was real.  
  
Felicity didn't notice it at first, the way he couldn't take his eyes off of her. She busied herself with peeling the paper from a pink cake with a creamy frosting and a few candy pearls on top. She was licking the icing from her index finger when she caught his eye and she frowned in concern.

"What's wrong? Why aren't you eating?" she asked.

He shook his head in disbelief.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" he said softly, his voice catching in his throat. He could not believe that this woman--this incredible, beautiful, thoughtful woman--could be in his life still, aftereverything that had come between them.

"Just lucky, I guess." She winked, nudging the box towards him. "Eat--the salted caramel one. It's your favorite, right?"

  
Oliver nodded and did as he was told, picking up the cake she had indicated and took a bite. It was like heaven. How did she always know exactly what he needed?  
  
Several moments passed in silence as they enjoyed their cupcakes, and even though Oliver had come to the cemetery to be alone, he felt infinitely better with her by his side. He felt her eyes on him as he ate, and knew her well enough to tell she was formulating a question for him.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" she finally said quietly, inviting him to a conversation he wasn't sure he wanted to have. But he'd made her a promise when she'd chosen to stay by his side in the aftermath of Genesis. A promise that he would no longer hide from her. That he would lean on her when things got tough and trust her with all of his secrets and insecurities. So he took a deep breath and began.

"I just came here to think," he said.

"Which we all know is Oliver-speak for beating yourself up," she said. He nodded, because she was right. "Feeling guilty is your superpower, but I thought you were doing better with all of this now."

"Usually." He shrugged. "This month is just hard. My depression always gets worse this time of year." Felicity nodded in understanding. She usually felt the effects of her own depression and PTSD the strongest around the anniversary of Genesis too.

They were on similar emotional trajectories now, but they were both grateful to have each to lean on while they worked through it. It made them so much stronger--as friends, teammates, and partners. Together they fought, side by side, through the darkness. Both of them coming out on the other side all the better for it. It had been a steep learning curve, for both of them. They had stumbled and fallen. They'd ended up bruised and battered and broken. But they'd picked each other up and dusted each other off and they'd pushed back. Learning as a team that the only way they could defeat their individual darkness was by being the light for each other.  
When Felicity would fall into a depressed funk, Oliver would surprise her with a bottle of her favorite wine or a small nerdy trinket guaranteed to make her smile--like the tiny Green Arrow keychain he'd found at a toy store on a trip  
to Central City, that now hung on a lanyard around her neck.  
  
When Oliver got quiet and mopey, Felicity would arrange for the team to be absent from the training room of the bunker for a day or two, to give him some space to take out his aggression on the punching bag or training dummy.

Or, she would surprise him with his favorite dessert from his favorite bakery. And  
bring extras for his dearly departed loved ones. Felicity was just thoughtful and sentimental that way.  
  
"So, I wouldn't want to imply that you may have made a math mistake," Oliver said with a lighter tone. "But you still have two extra cupcakes here."

"Oh, right," Felicity said. "Over there." She pointed in the direction she'd come from and Oliver looked up just in time to see Digg and Thea coming over the hill together. Felicity waved them over eagerly, and they gladly accepted the cupcakes she offered them as they sat down.  
  
"Happy birthday, Ollie!" Thea said, enveloping her brother in a hug. Digg clapped a hand on Oliver's back and echoed Thea's wishes.

"Yeah, happy birthday man."

Oliver was feeling a bit suspicious, so he spoke up. "What is this all about?" he asked, baffled. "You guys have never cared before if I ignored my birthday. Why is this year so different?"

"Well..." Thea shrugged. "We all know May is a hard month for you--it can be for us too."

"Exactly," Felicity agreed. "So we thought it was time to start making some good memories for once."

  
"Starting with celebrating your 35th birthday surrounded by your family," Digg said with a smile.

  
Oliver looked from Diggle to Thea to Felicity, their faces all lit up with hope and promise. Oliver suddenly felt so much better than he had when he'd left his office that day.

"You're going to have to find a way to stop dreading this month, you know," Thea said with a tone that implied she knew something he didn't know.

"And why is that?" he asked. Thea and Felicity exchanged a sly grin.

"Because," Felicity began, "as of this morning's appointment I am four centimeters dilated and the doctor says there's no way in hell that I'm making it to June. We'll probably have a baby by next weekend."  
Oliver's jaw dropped and he instinctively reached for Felicity's round belly, his large hands protectively wrapping them around her abdomen.

"What? Why? Is everything okay? Is that too early?" His voice was panicked and breathless.

"She's just fine, Ollie," Thea scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"Due dates are just guesses, man," Diggle said sagely. "Lyla went into labor three weeks early and Sara was perfect. Still is. Even if she's as stubborn as her mother."

"Yeah, and let's be honest, this kid IS half-Felicity. Imagine that--her kid, impatient." Thea laughed. Felicity nodded, knowing it was the truth, before turning to Oliver,  
pulling him in to plant a kiss on his forehead.

"We are both safe and healthy, Oliver. The baby is perfect. There is nothing to worry about. Except finish baby proofing the Arrow Cave." Her fingers stroked the back of his neck and he felt his body relax. He leaned in and pressed his lips to the top of her baby bump, one hand on either side.

  
"I can't wait," he whispered against her, and Felicity smiles, running her fingers through his hair affectionately.

  
"As sickeningly adorable as you two are, I have paperwork up to my eyeballs at City Hall since Ollie took the day off, so I'm out," Thea said, standing and dusting off her pants.

  
"Dinner tonight. Our place," Diggle said, rising to join Thea, and pointing at Oliver. "Lyla insisted and your niece still hasn't forgiven you for missing her kindergarten graduation so Uncle Oliver better have a great story for bedtime tonight."  
Oliver chuckled and nodded his assent.

"Tell Princess Sara I will see her tonight," he promised.  
"Later," Digg said with a wave.  
"Love you guys," Thea added, hugging Felicity and Oliver simultaneously. Then the two of them returned to their car over the hill, leaving Felicity and Oliver alone again.  
  
"Did you want me to go?" she asked, watching as he rubbed her belly, almost like he was meditating. He looked up at her, his eyebrows furrowed.

  
"Why?" he asked incredulously.

  
"Well, I know you came to be alone and we kind of crashed the party," she smiled.

  
"I'm glad you did," he said sincerely, leaning in for a kiss. Felicity gladly obliged him.

  
"You know we're going to be okay, right?" she asked, and he could tell she was still worried about him.

  
"I do," he said, nodding.

  
"Good." She grinned, kissing his nose. "I'll see you at home?" she asked, doing her best to push herself up off the ground. Oliver jumped up to help her. "I am so ready to be done being pregnant," she huffed. Oliver kissed her hair  
and smiled against her.

  
"I love you," he whispered. She wrapped her arms around him as best she could with her giant belly in the way.

  
"I love you, too."

  
"Please don't go into labor before I get home..." he implored her. She laughed at that.

  
"No promises," Felicity said over her shoulder as she started back to her car. Oliver watched her leave with a smile. Maybe May wasn’t always bad.

 

 

  
She was born just before midnight on her very proud daddy's birthday. As her Auntie Thea had predicted, she was so impatient and eager to join them that she couldn't wait for the hospital. She was born into Oliver's arms on the cot in the Arrow Cave.

And _that_ was the moment he'd been waiting for. The moment his entire life had been leading up to. The reason he couldn't seem to die. The reason he had _lived_. So many times he'd come close to giving up and ending it all. So  
many times he'd asked why he was still alive when so many others had died.  
  
And now he knew. She was pink and tiny and utter perfection in his arms,  
wrapped in his green sweatshirt because baby blankets were hard to come by in the lair and all the towels had been used to clean up.  
  
When Felicity's frantic voice had rang out over the comms, Oliver had immediately rushed back to the lair, leaving Digg, Thea, and the others behind to finish the mission. An hour and a half later, the elevator dinged and Oliver  
raised a finger to his lips to shush the team as they filed into the room. Felicity had fallen asleep in sheer exhaustion after making sure the baby had a full tummy and was safe and happy in her father's arms, and he wanted to let her rest. When Oliver turned to quiet them all, Thea dropped her bow and ran across the bunker.

  
"Oh my God, Ollie!" she squealed under her breath.

 

  
"Meet Dinah Dearden Queen," he grinned, leaning over to give her a better look.  
"Oh Ollie! She's beautiful! I can't believe she's here!" Thea slipped a finger into the tiny grasp of her niece and pressed a kiss to the pudgy little hand.

  
"Why am I not surprised she chose this place to make her entrance?" Diggle chuckled, peering over Oliver's shoulder with a grin. "Congrats, guys."

  
One by one the rest of the team came over to peek at the newest member of Team Arrow, their excited, hushed voices causing her to stir only for a moment before settling back into her daddy's arms, totally content.

For the first time in his entire life, Oliver felt at peace, like all was right in the world and he had followed the right path and made all the right choices. After years of uncertainty, he'd finally found his purpose.

And all he'd had to do was wait for it.

 

 _Love doesn't discriminate_  
_between the sinners_  
_and the saints,_  
_it takes and it takes and it takes_  
_and we keep loving anyway._  
  
_We laugh and we cry_  
_and we break_  
_and we make our mistakes._  
_And if there's a reason I'm by her side_  
_when so many have tried_  
_then I'm willing to wait for it._  
_I'm willing to wait for it._

 


End file.
